How to Fit In at Work, School, and In Social Life
Unlock the secrets of fitting in effortlessly! Dive into the world of work, school, and social interactions as we unravel three easy tricks to sail through with confidence. From flashing a genuine smile that disarms any situation to embracing the power of attentive listening and thoughtful questioning, this blog post is your ultimate guide to forging connections and banishing awkwardness. Bid farewell to feeling like an outsider and embrace the joy of belonging!
9/1/20233 min read
Sometimes Fitting In Feels Awkward for Everyone
Everyone wants to belong. Everyone wants to feel like they fit in with others. There are situations that make us feel uncomfortable or awkward. The teenage and tweenage years get the worst reputation of the awkward stage, but even adults and little kids might feel like they do not belong among classmates, co-workers, sports teams, and at cocktail parties. I remember signing my tween for summer camp and his response of anxiety - what will he do if everyone else goes off and leaves him? Where will he sit at lunch? Who will be his bunkmate? There are three easy tricks to fitting in that anyone can do, from little kid, tween, teen, and adult.
Three Easy Tricks for Fitting In
There are three easy tricks to fitting in that anyone can do anywhere. I practice these tricks in every situation, even places where I feel comfortable so that they are second nature when I need to use them because I do not feel like I fit in. I practice these tricks at PTO meetings, in Sunday School class, even at the grocery store. My son practiced them with our family and then with friends, so that by the time he left for summer camp, he felt ready to tackle his fears of not fitting in.
The First Trick to Fitting In is to Smile
The first trick to fitting in is to smile. My Pocket Mom has a saying: A smile disarms any situation. A simple smile on your face, versus a frown or serious look, shows people around you that you are open to a good time and that you are friendly. Toxic people are negative and wear negative expressions on their face, such as a scowl. Even if you don’t feel like you are friendly or that you are ready to have a good time, a smile still announces to the world that you are approachable and positive. People are more likely to talk to someone with a pleasant expression such as a smile versus a frown, grimace, or sour expression. Even if you don’t feel like smiling and like you are wearing a mask, fake it until you make it and unclench that jaw, soften those scowling forehead muscles, and raise that upper lip to a soft smile.
The Second Trick To Fitting In is to Listen
The second trick to fitting in is to listen. Often, when I feel uncomfortable, I feel like I need to overcompensate by talking too much and not listening enough. Along with a pleasant expression, a quiet, calm presence is attractive to others and shows that you are not trying to draw attention or put yourself first. In a new or awkward situation, listen more that speaking to learn the pace of the environment and how you might add to it with conversation in a way to include others and not simply to fill emptiness or make it all about yourself.
The Third Trick To Fitting In is to Ask Questions
The third trick to fitting in is to ask questions about the other person. After listening to how the group speaks and interacts, ask a few questions that are not too nosy, pushy, or confrontational. Topics safe for any age group include asking what sports they play, books or podcasts they enjoy, or what they like to do in their free time. When your new acquaintance answers, instead of responding with your own opinion, follow up with another question that gets them to open up more about their response. For example, you might ask a new acquantice, “Have you read or listened to anything good lately?” They might reply something like, “Yes, I just finished watching a Netflix series that I really enjoyed.” Instead of jumping in with information about a Netflix series you enjoyed, ask them a follow up question about why they liked the series, who their favorite character or story line was, and what type of person would they recommend it to. Topics to avoid unless you are with close friends include politics, hot-button topics, and anything you are strongly opinionated about. Information gather and show interest in others up front instead of using social interactions as a time to share your own interest of pet projects.
Practicing all three of these social tricks or smile, listen, and ask questions, are the stepping stones to building friendships or at least not feel awkward in social, school, and work settings. Over time, as you build friendships, deeper conversations take place and you can share more of your own personality and opinions. It takes time to fit in and understand how the social scene you are placed in works.
